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This is Me.

Updated: Oct 29, 2019

I have been struggling to authentically show 'me' through my blog. Each time I sit down to write something it feels wrong, as if it won't portray what I visualise or the emotions running through my veins. It's felt like there has been a missing piece to bring the blog fully to life. It took some time to figure it out but I have located the problem, its the anonymity. I have to expose myself to be fully 'me'. This is my story.

Dubai, 2019

December 31, 2017. This was the day everything changed; going into 2018 was unlike anything I had ever expected. On that day, mother (Brenda) attempted to commit suicide on Vail Pass. In all honesty it wasn't far off, it wasn't something surprising because she is a bipolar alcoholic with PTSD. How could you expect anything different than what you already saw or thought of; though that day was the day that shifted my entire life forward into the vision that I had always desired.

Rewind back about 6 months around August 2017, I was welcomed into the land known as Lugano; A small Swiss-Italian town. Random, if you ask me but at the same time it felt like exactly where I was meant to be, to grow and learn about who I am through extraordinary experiences. Just as any other college experience at least the most "normal", I partied quite a bit, slept very little and bullshitted my way through first semester's classes. Though I enjoyed myself where I was and what it was all teaching me during the beginning, something was deeply missing from my life during these first five months. It felt like my eyes weren't open, not in the slightest to what this opportunity was bringing me.

When I returned to Colorado for Christmas break I wasn't the same person. Just as it had been while I was growing up, I desired more that what the small village of Vail could offer to me but not the slight burn for something greater erupted into a full fledged fire inside. It was extremely difficult. I had always been told growing up with an ill parent that I would drop out and end up home with her. When Brenda attempted to take her own life it was the final piece. I seized the moment, to leave everything behind in my home town and face the world I so badly wanted to explore. The one thing I did take from Colorado to start a new chapter of my life is my living companion Rajah (long haired akita) and get her to Switzerland. It took immense amounts of energy, courage, strength and pure loving manifestation but with the support of my father and sister I was able to move her to our new home in Lugano.

Sometimes you must let go of the ones you love, whether its a friend, A family member or an intimate relationship for your own mental health and life mission. It's not easy and never will be but at the end of the day looking inward and loving yourself is the most important aspect of life. Once you love yourself in full, shadows and all then you can spread your energy outwards to others.

I can say with full certainty that my eyes are open, all of them. My mission is to reveal this vision to all those who need to see. My camera is my weapon of choice, to capture the images and events that too many choose to blind themselves from.

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